Life, death, everything in between & a magical rainbow rhinoceros high on mushrooms

You are born. How? [[From an egg|egg]] [[I magically materialize out of thin air|magic]] [[Kicking and screaming from the womb of my dying mother who with her last breath names me and fortells I am fated for a great destiny|destiny]]

Cool! But like, what bird are you? [[An ostrich dude|ostrich]] [[Cockatoo|cock]] [[I'm no bird bro, I'm a dinosaurrr!|dino]]

Majestic genesis bro! Kudos. Bit of bad news tho.. [[Tell me|tell]]

That's a heck of a way to come to life bro. Bit sad you had to kill your mom though. Question, what's your name? [[Gnorpheliaeaeus, devourer of dragons, slapper of children|gnor]] [[Crystallia, goddess of awesome|crys]] [[Dave|dave]]

Awesome. Straight after your birth, an enormous nuclear explosion goes off and an incredibly large mushroom clouds appears on the horizon. What do you do? [[Stick my head in the sand, duh|sand]] [[Fly over to see what's cracking|crack]]

Haha you said cock. [[Cool|cool]]

Cool buddy! Too bad you went extinct like, a million years ago. K byye!!

Allright. So you're a cockatoo. Now what? [[Start a band|band]] [[Eat some birdseed|seed]] [[Write my memoirs|memoirs]]

You're a statue! X'D [[Bummer|bmmr]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

den dave!

You suffocate.

You walk over to the explosion. Fast as fuck cuz ur one awesome ostrich (who obviously cannot fly). Having arrived there you encounter fiery devastation on a scale you've never seen before. Which makes sense because you're like 5 seconds old. From under the rubble you see a hand reaching up towards the sky. [[High five bro!|five]] [[You step on it|step]]

Ostriches can't fly. [[Good point, I'll walk then|walk]] [[Like h*ll I can't, I'm no ordinary ostrich bro|walk]]

The hand belongs to a powerful wizard. Who gratefully picks it up and puts it back in his satchel. As a thank you to you for having found his lucky claw the wizard bestows you with one magical power. [[To fly|fly]] [[Laser eyes!|laser]] [[Seeing through people's clothing|perv]]

It explodes, you die.

Ostriches can't fly!! The wizard calls out angrily. And neither can toads! And poof! You're a toad now. Happy? [[Kinda|kinda]] [[No|no]]

Awesome!! Using your new found power you spend your days fighting evil and avenging the innocent. After a long day of kicking butt you come home to your lofty superhero apartment. What do you do? [[Yoga|yoga]] [[Take a well deserved hot bubblebath|bath]] [[Play a game of Choosatron!|Start]]

The wizard waves his magic wand and bestows on you the power to see through people's clothing. What he doesn't tell you is that your power is always on and everybody who you look at will know instantly it's you and feel a horrible mix of disgust, violation, contempt and just a slight hint of having to vomit. Good luck finding a lover! ;) x

Awesome! Enjoy your life as a toad then ;) Peace!

Well tough break homie! That's what you get for trying to be a flying ostrich. Have fun eating flies for the rest of your life, later!

You look ridiculous doing your sun salutations. [[Okay|ok]]

While the bath is running you take a look at your beautiful self in the mirror and give yourself a wink. Which, incidentally, is the way for you to active your laser powers. You evaporate instantly.

Bye!

Cool! You start a band called 'Cockatoo & the Rabid Monkeys'. You on lead guitar, obviously. After building a repertoire of semi inspired songs and some post ironic covers you start touring europe in a smelly van, driving from one half empty bar to the next. Life on the road depresses you and it's visible in your performances. What little fans you have soon start to turn on you, booing when you're on stage and throwing beer bottles that break on the floor around you. You guys decide to call it quits and head back home. Two days later, while stopping for gas somewhere on the German Autobahn you meet a guy that just happens to work for a record label. He tells you they're looking for off-beat acts such as yourself. Plus he really likes your funky mohawk. You and the band have a meeting in the back of the van where you convince them to drive to London and record a six song demo. Things start to look up. You get some money from the record label to fix up the van and they book a small UK tour for you in local pubs and little sound stages across the country. One night, while getting some fish and chips at a snackbar you start talking to a girl and for some reason you guys really hit it off. You two marry just three months later. What felt so good at first soon starts to turn sour when she turns out to be really abusive and unfaithful. It breaks your spirit and you have a hard time keeping it all together. When you finally get the courage to confront her she blames it all on you, spits in your face and walks out the door with your favourite guitar. Heartbroken, you go into a drug fueled rebound state where you burn through the small amount of groupies you guys have managed to obtain. It doesn't help, at all. Rather it makes you more depressed and melancholic. You feel sick, empty inside, and broken. After waking up one morning from a really bad dream, with tears in your eyes you realise it's time to let these feelings of resentment go. You pour every bit of your broken soul into your music and write some of your best stuff ever. One night while performing at a rich girl's wedding you get noticed by a reporter from Rolling Stone who writes a raving review on your virtuosity and out of this world sound. He calls Cockatoo & the Rabid Monkeys the 'new it band'. Three weeks later you're on stage at the Royal Albert Hall, opening for Led Zeppelin (it's 1970 btw) when one of the monkeys bites you. You wake up a day later in the hospital where a doctor explains you have rabies and it's going to be a tough one. You die late that night, alone, convulsing, foaming at the mouth and cursing the choices you made in life.

Haha you said seed. [[Stop it|nah]] [[Cool|sho]]

"I was born. From an egg. Now I'm a cockatoo." That was great! Bestseller material I'm sure. Want to do something else? [[Nahh|nah]] [[Sure|sho]]

K byyyee!

Cool. Let's fly somewhere! [[Awesome!|yeah]] [[Why not|meh]]

Nice. Where should we fly? [[Guatemala|gua]] [[Antarctica|arc]] [[The moon|moon]]

Oh come on, put some effort into this. [[Okay. OH HECK YAHS I'D LOVE TO FLY SOMEWHERE MR COMPUTER PROGRAM!!|yahs]]

That's more like it! [[Leggo|yeah]]

You have a really shitty time, find out you hate the beach and cannot stand the rainforest with all its mosquitos. Now what? [[End it all|end]] [[Meditate|rhino]]

After a journey of several weeks you see white land looming on the horizon, with your last strength you head over to the icey terrain. When you land you're mesmerized by the barren landscape and the blueish hues of the icebergs floating around in the ocean. While waving at some penguins (distant cousins?) you don't realize there's a polar bear sneaking up on you from behind. What do you do? [[Get eaten|eat]] [[There are no polar bears on the south pole|pol]]

You fly into an active volcano and perish in a fiery blaze of glory.

You found the magical rainbow rhinosceros who's high on mushrooms! [[Awesome!|aw]]

After being eaten alive, chewed to bits by the polar bear's mighty jaws you have a rather boring journey through its intestines where you slowly turn brown and mushy. Reaching the end of the tunnel you see a bit of light and suddenly leave the polar bear through the opposite end to which you came in. You are now an icey turd. [[Nice!|nic]] [[Bummer|bum]]

Correct! But there ARE polar bears in this story, which is mine, and completely made up. So bad luck, smart ass, you still get eaten. [[Fine|eat]]

Way to stay positive! Want to reincarnate? [[Sure!|Start]] [[Nahh|x]]

Ah well, that's life. Death, everything in between & a magical rainbow rhinosceros that's high on mushrooms for ya. Thanks for playing. Sorry you had to end up as polar bear poop. x!

Then you remain a frozen poopsicle on the surface of Antarctica for the rest of this planet's existence. Have fun looking gross but not smelling! [[Thankss!|nah]]

After crafting a made to measure cockatoo spacesuit out of a fishbowl and some rubber gloves you're ready to go! Only one problem.. [[Tell me|tel]]

Right? Okay, so what do you wanna ask her?

You can't fly with the suit on. [[Bummer|bmr]]

Quite. What should we do? [[Build a spaceship|build]] [[Go without the suit|go]]

Out of what? [[Trash|trsh]] [[Fireworks|fwx]]

You fly up to space without a space suit, realizing once you leave the earth's atmosphere that for some odd reason you're able to breathe in space! Also your wings still work! Which shouldn't be possible because there's like no air, hence friction, in space but hey, you're one magical ass cockatoo and you're flying, through space, while breathing, without air! [[High five bro!|hv]]

In no time at all you make it to the moon. What do we do? [[Land|land]] [[Fly to the dark side|drk]]

You land on the moon, it's boring. Then it explodes and you die. Wanna reincarnate? [[Yes|Start]] [[Nahh, I'm good|nah]]

Instead of flying to the dark side of the moon, you fly to the actual dark side, like, with Darth Vaders n stuff. Arriving there you see the Empire being hellabusy on building yet another planet destroying Death Star like contraption. Only, plot twist, this thing is like, supersmall! What do we do? [[Steal it|stl]] [[Steal it and hand it over to the Rebel Alliance|stlII]] [[Join the Dark Side|join]]

Rummaging through the trash you find an enormous diamond! Somebody really rich much have thrown this away cuz it was getting less shiny. What do we do? [[Keep on building|keep]] [[Sell the diamond|sell]]

It looks amazing!! What should we do now? [[Play a game of Choosatron!|Start]] [[Light it|light]]

A few more hours of macguivering and your spaceship is ready! Oh my how it looks glorious with its scrap metal hull and soda bottle bottom windows. One more thing tho, what should we use for fuel? [[Banana peels|ban]] [[Sarcasm|src]]

You sell the slightly less shiny diamond and now you're super rich!! What do we do? [[Use our cash moneys to still go to the moon|hv]] [[Buy an island, build a castle, fill it with people that fit our sexual preference and relaxxx|rlx]]

It's super effective! Who knew the planet's energy crisis could be solved by using banana peels as rocket fuel! Not only does it allow you to fly at approximately the speed of light, it emits zero pollution and a pleasant smell that makes people happy! Allright. [[Off to the moon!|hv]]

It's super effective! Get it? [[Yes|ys]] [[No|nnn]]

Awesome. Wanna try the banana peels instead? [[Yes|ban]] [[No|nah]]

It's not effective at all, I was being sarcastic.. [[Oh|ys]]

Good for you! Enjoy your life of wealth and plenty! [[Thank youuu!|nah]] [[Leave me alone you peasant|nah]]

You light the fuse, take your seat, screw your helmet on, fasten your seatbelts, count down from ten to zero, brace yourself for the launch.. [[Yes? And??!!|and]]

And EXLPODE!!! in an amazing, glittery, ball of colour and flashing disco lights, giving the people who have come to send you off an incredible fireworks display. After which, sadly, they're left with a charred circle on the ground with a roasted cockatoo in the middle. On the bright side.. [[Yes?|brt]]

You smell delicious!! [[Well, let 'em eat me then!!|feast]] [[Who cares I'm dead|dead]]

Way to stay positive bro. Enjoy the rest of your actual life with this shitty attitude. Peace!

In your death you are able to give your friends and family a spectacular pyrotechnics display. And after? You are gracious enough to let them feast on your delicious body, roasted in the glorious explosion that was your demise. You, my friend, are one beautiful being. Kudos to you. Thanks for playing and remember to shine like the multicoloured cockatoo of dreams and fire that you really, really are. Love.

You steal it and use its power of deterrence to will the galaxy into submission. Now the entire universe is yours to command. Happy? [[Quite|qt]] [[Not really|nrl]]

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.... (align: "=><=")[Episode MM <span style="font-size: 150%">CALL OF THE COCKATOO</span>] After stealing the tiny, tiny deathstar and handing it over to the Rebel Alliance, a strange bird from a distant planet is given a heroes welcome. In this particular version of the Star Wars Fan Fictional Universe Leia and Luke are married and act as a weird, incestuous ruling couple over the victorious resistance. With the ability to destroy entire planets in its power the Rebel Alliance quickly seizes control of the Galaxy. For a few years order is restored and peace returns to the many different planets and its inhabitants. You take up residence in the Royal Palace as reward for your actions. Falling in love with one of Leia's handmaidens, Kemo, and spend your days in love and enjoying the many delights this strange new world has to offer. One day, you walk into the Royal Chambers to find Luke and Leia involved in an argument. What do you do? [[Ask: What's up?|ask]] [[Ignore the drama and get what you came for|ign]]

You join the dark side, are given a standard issue Stormtrooper outfit and die two scenes later running down some nondescript spacecraft corridor, firing wildly at your opponents but hitting fuck all while they only have to aim their gun once, press the trigger and down you go. What can I say, there was all this potential for an amazing adventure and you chose to join the losing side. Shit happens bro, shit happens. Had fun tho? [[Yes|nah]]

Good, I knew I could count on you to draw the line somewhere. Well, well done for having finished this game not dead, as a satisfied space traveling cockatoo in control of the entire cosmos. Not a bad outcome for someone who's just pressing a bunch of buttons on a little wifi connected matrix printer machine ey? [[Not bad at all|nbaa]]

What more do you want? [[Ice cream|ice]] [[Spiritual Enlightenment|rhino]]

High five and enjoy the rest of your day ;) Peace!

Then go get some buddy! Your life is yours to command, carpe dem diems and please let the people at the ice cream store know you came here because a printed out Choose-Your-Own video game told you to do so ;) Peace! x

You: What's up? Luke: Stay out of it, Kakatuu. (In the Star Wars Universe there are no such things as cockatoos. Having met with the leaders of the Rebel Alliance for the first time you were asked your name, which we didn't give you in this game, therefore you just choked and said 'Ehh, I'm a cockatoo..' Which the crowd before you misunderstood and interpreted as your name. Since most of the characters in the Star Wars franchise have silly, spacy sounding names nobody frowned at this and hence forth you were known as Kakatuu, stealer of death stars, bringer of peace, bestie of LeLu (the Brangelina version of Luke and Leia, the Galaxy's pet name for their respected rulers)) Leia: Calm down Luke, he might be of assistance. Luke: Maybe, but can we trust him? Leia: That remains to be seen. After all he is a sly eyed, 2 foot tall avian looking bastard. Luke: True. Leia: On the other hand he did save the entire Galaxy single handedly. Luke: Yeah but I was going to do that anyway. Leia: How? Luke: By using The Force. Leia: Yeah, well. Kakatuu didn't even have The Force and it didn't stop him from achieving Universal Peace Among Planets, Nations and Species. Luke: Good point. Kaka, what did you use instead of The Force to achieve Universal Peace Among Planets, Nations and Species? You: Eh, my wings? Leia: See, you might have 'The Force' buddy, but cha aint got no wings now, do you? Luke: Girl, I've got a whole fleet of awesome starships. Leia: Yes, and none of them saved the entire Galaxy. Luke: Never mind. Kakatuu, can we trust you? [[Yes|trust]] [[I don't know guys, this doesn't really sound like my cup of tea|tea]]

Luke: Can we help you? You: Nahh, I was just getting some pillows from your bed. Me and Kemo are building a blanketfort and we ran out of fluffy items. I'll be out of your way in no time. Leia: Good. You quickly grab some pillows and a comfy blanket and head straight out the door. Closing it behind you, you can hear the murmur of a fight going on in the room you just exited. Shrugging your shoulders you return to your lover and spend your remaining days in shear delight and happiness. Blissfully ignorant of the amazing storyline you just passed up on exploring. Can't have it all. Bye!

Leia: Okay, listen up Kakatuu here's what's cracking. Universal peace might have been achieved, singlehandedly, by you. You: You're welcome. Leia: But that doesn't mean the Dark Side has just given up. Luke: We have received word that a strange, dark force is growing on a planet far into the Unknown Regions, a part of the Galaxy largely unexplored due to hyperspace anomalies, solar storms, rogue magnetospheres and other challenges making travel there almost impossible. Leia: Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to journey to the source of the signal, investigate, destroy any threats you encounter and report back to us once it's over. [[You can count on me, your majesty|com]] [[Do I get a cool spaceship?|ship]]

Leia: That's allright Kakatuu, you have done enough for this Universe. We humbly release you from our service. You: Does that mean I can go? Luke: Yes. Leia: Thank you once again for achieving Universal Peace Among Planets, Nations and Species. Can we do anything else for you other than giving you three honorary titles, the best room in the palace except for ours and unlimited intergalactic credit card? [[I'd love a chocolate milkshake|choc]] [[Nah friends I'm good|nah]]

You return to your room with the most amazing view any living being on earth has ever experienced. To the woman you are madly in love with and who's your perfect soulmate in every single way. After a few minutes there's a knock on the door and none other that Leia Organa, Queen of The Entire Universe brings you the most delicious chocolate milkshake possible in all universes, every dimension on every part of every possible timeline. You lay back while your amazing bride gives you a crazy relaxing backrub and think: Yeah, not a bad way to end a video game, not bad at all...

After being assigned a standard issue spaceship you wonder if you shouldn't have asked for something cooler. Ah well, too late now. You follow Luke and Leia outside, ready to depart on your mission. [[Let's do this thing!|do]]

Luke: Well duh! Let's go to my hangar now and see what tickles your fancy. You: Cool beans! Leia: Allright you two, I'll meet you out front once you're ready. [[Follow Luke to his hangar|hang]]

Luke: Here we are buddy! Out of the thousands of ships in my possession I think these four are best suited for this hazardous mission. Let's see, option 1, an X-wing, classic rebel starfighter, lightweight, great movability and it looks cool from all angles. Option 2, Sith Infiltrator, aka the Scimitar. Built it after some blueprints we found amongst Palpatine's files. Option 3, J-type 327 Nubian Royal Starship, offically only meant for Naboo sovereigns but since we're descendants of Padmé I think we qualify. And last but not least, number 4, YT-1300 Corellian light freighter aka The Millennium Falcon. Needs no further explanation. So, what'll it be? [[X-Wing|yuu]] [[Sith Infiltrator|yuu]] [[Nubian Royal Starship|yuu]] [[Millennium Falcon|yuu]]

Leia: Allright Kakatuu. Here is a blaster, lightsaber and a little Han Solo inspired vest with a Rebel Alliance patch embroideren on the left chest. Everything you need for looking badass and defeating evil. Once more. Luke: Good luck on your trip buddy. Remember, it's a hard planet to get to but the onboard guidance system should do most of the work for you. Ready to go? [[Heck yeah|hy]]

Luke: Great choice buddy! Let's go find Leia outside for debriefing. [[Go outside|do]]

Lelu: Well, good luck buddy! And may the force be with you! You salute Luke and Leia with a quick flick of the wing, give your loving wife who has also come to send you off a hug, kiss and a little note she has to open later that very poetically expresses how much you love her, enter your spacecraft and set course for the approximate location of the evil signal. As the waving people turn into little specs, you realise this is going to be one long ass journey. What should we do? [[Sleep|slp]] [[Play spacechess against the onboard computer|chess]]

After a powernap of several hours, during which the onboard computer was steering your vehicle through hyperspace you are rudely awakened by flashing red lights and all types of alarmbells ringing. [[Computer what's going on?|0]]

After losing 242 consecutive games to the far more intelligent onboard computer you are rudely interrupted by flashing red lights and all types of alarmbells ringing. [[Computer what's going on?|0]]

You: Computer what's going on? Computer: We appear to have hit upon some kind of spacetime anomaly. My systems are unable to calculate a way through. It seems that logic and math have no bearing here. I'm afraid you're going to have to pilot us through manually. Which way should we go? [[up|1]] [[down|1]] [[left|1]] [[right|1]]

Computer: AAAAHHH!!! Steer, steer, steer, steer!! [[up|2]] [[down|3]] [[left|4]] [[right|5]]

Computer: Wow that was a close call.. [[up|1]] [[down|3]] [[left|4]] [[right|5]]

Computer: I feel like we've been here before. [[up|1]] [[down|6]] [[left|5]] [[right|9]]

You pull the steering wheel and send the ship in an enormous looping. All around you bits of spacejunk, asteroids, other spaceships and amazing visual light effects jump in and out of your field of view. It's the most amazing and confusing spectacle you've ever seen. [[up|1]] [[down|0]] [[left|7]] [[right|5]]

You: I think I'm going to be sick. Computer: me too. [[up|2]] [[down|4]] [[left|6]] [[right|8]]

Both: *screaming* [[up|5]] [[down|0]] [[left|7]] [[right|9]]

You have the strong sensation of just waking up. You want to open your eyes but can't. "Am I dead?" you ask, but nobody answers. "Computer?" The words seem to echo into eternity, although you're not sure you can actually hear any sound. Vaguely, in the background, you start hearing something that sounds like computer's voice. It's coming closer, in wavy echoes that resonate through your entire body. Do you even have a body? Do you exist? [[what|4]] [[is|5]] [[going|8]] [[on|9]]

All of a sudden you're in the middle of a giant flock of birds, their little bodies splash to bits on your windshield while you see a body of water coming ever closer from above. You: WHAT'S GOING ONNN??!! Computer: We're upside down! Do something or we'll crash! [[up|3]] [[down|5]] [[left|0]] [[right|9]]

You zap into a piece of space full of floating, broken spaceships. As you look around you start to hear a sound, almost like a sort of whalesong, but sadder. For a moment you're mesmerized by it, it makes you drowsy. Just before you nod off you see a flash of light. Suddenly the entire void around you is filled with glowing beings of all shapes and sizes. Their bodies are deyaing and their empty eyes seem to draw you in as they slowly float towards you. Computer: LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!! [[up|6]] [[down|8]] [[left|5]] [[right|out]]

Computer: Okay, I think we're past it. Wow, I have never encountered something that illogical in my entire life. You: How old are you? Computer: A few dozen centuries if you count all my previous releases. You: Danggg.. Computer: Shall I take it from here and fly us to the signal? [[Please do|pls]]

After a few more hours of hyperspace travel you arrive at your destination. A dark planet looms up before you. An ominous haze blinds you as a blood red sun rises behind the tar black planet. A shiver runs down your spine. Computer: You wanna land? [[Yes, let's|lnd]] [[No, let's go back|back]]

Computer turns the ship around and you head back home. Telling Leia and Luke everything was fine and it was all a big misunderstanding. You spend the rest of your days pretending you don't feel like a giant coward.

As your spaceship sets down on the lava crusted planet, all you can see through the viewport is black, ragged rocks and a red glowing sky. Suddenly a dark figure steps from out its hiding place. A glowing lightsaber firm in hand. As your boarding ramp descends ever so slowly towards the planet's surface, a trickle of sweat runs down your asscrack. What do you want to do? [[Use your blaster|blst]] [[Use your lightsaber|sbr]] [[Ask computer|cmp]]

As you walk down the boarding ramp your adversary shows an impressive array of swordsmanship, wheeling and whirling their lightsaber around like they've done nothing but practice during their asylum on this evil planet. As the scene starts to remind you of that one moment in Indiana Jones where Indy confronts a swordsman in the market and then casually shoots him in the face, you do exactly that. [[Pschieuw!|face]]

As you walk down the boarding ramp your lightsaber slides out with the familiar 'pschhhww' sound from your childhood. You then have the most epic lightsaberfight in history, exactly how you'd expect to fight in your wettest Star Wars dream if you were also high on acid, lucid dreaming with the intensity of IMAX 3D with everything on full blast. Now that's over we can finally wrap this thing up. [[Talk about an anti climax|amx]]

You: Hey computer, isn't there something you can do about this bastard? Computer: Want me to run him over? [[Yes please|rho]] [[No, that's too easy|tez]]

As the boarding ramp retracts back in, the spaceship starts to ascend. First gliding a little to the left of the threatening figure, keeping its nose facing the menace, who slightly adjusts his fighting posture. Then the ships quickly swoops to right above him and promptly dips to just above the planets surface. A rather crunchy splat can be heard through the ship's underside. After which you two take off, back to Leia and Luke for the victory party. [[Wheee!|bck]]

Computer: Shoot him with my onboard guns? You: Too easy! Computer: Ehh, turn around and fry him with my rocket exhausts? You: Too easy! Computer: Bribe them with frozen yoghurt? You: Too, friggin, easy!! Computer: Pfff.. Holoproject an exact likeness of his mother saying all kinds of degrading stuff, attacking his sense of self and undermining his confidence. Ultimately disarming him internally until he feels so low and insecure he suicides by throwing himself onto his lightsaber? [[That's the one|tto]]

The dark side minion wobbles on their feet for a good few seconds, giving the camera time to pan behind them and film you through the smoking hole in their forehead. You blow the smoke off your blaster like on hell of a space age cowboy and casually walk back inside your spacecraft. [[Computer, let's go home|bck]]

Pretty neat huh? Wanna go back to tell Luke and Leia? [[Nah man I'm good|nah]] [[Sure why not|bck]]

After avoiding the space time anomaly on the way back you and the ship are given a heroes welcome. A parade in your honour takes you through the streets while the people of the capitol throw flowers at your feet and carry banners with your face on them. Leia, Luke and your loving wife take you in their arms and thank for saving the galaxy, yet again. And now I'm tired of writing and this feels like a perfect place to end this saga. [[Agreed|nah]]

Computer: Fine.. As you relax while drinking a nice, warm cup of tarine tea, computer gets down to business destroying the threat to the galaxy from the inside. After a few minutes you see the spaceship's dashboard light up, indicating that her foul job is over. Computer: Satisfied? [[Very, let's go back|bck]]

Ah well, saves you from having to live an epic life worthy of being remembered. Now you can just skip right to the being remembered part. [[Cool!|pose]] [[Who cares|wcs]]

Nice attitude! Let's pick a pose. [[On a horse|hrs]] [[Naked holding fruit|frt]] [[Sword in hand, carrying my lover, standing on top of the dragon I just heroically slayed with my greatness|joris]]

Well if you're going to be like that I don't even wanna play with you. Bye!

Classic. How many legs does the horse have on the ground? [[None|non]] [[One|one]] [[Two|two]]

Sexy. What kind of fruit?? [[Banana|bnn]] [[A single grape|grp]] [[Two canteloops|ctl]]

Aha. A George and the dragon type deal. Like the one in Hljómskálagarður. [[Correct|yss]] [[What?|wht]]

By Einar Jónsson, Iceland's very first national sculptor. [[Exactly|exc]]

Never mind, wanna play tic-tac-toe? [[F yeah!!|00]] [[Nahh|nah]]

The statue, named The Spell Broken, depicts man's triumph over evil. But also symbolizes Christianity's victory over heathen forces. With the girl in George's arm as a personification of the city of Kappadokía. The place from which he hailed. [[Right|rht]]

British theosophist Annie Besant refers to the battle of St. George and the dragon in her views concerning the spiritual development of man. According to Besant, the prerequisite for free will is triumphing over 'kama', meaning 'desire, wish, longing' in Hindu and Buddhist literature. [[Okay..|kyy]]

We can draw a parallel between Jónsson's statue and Besant's views. Where the knight's strength has overcome evil in the form of the dragon. And the girl sheds the skin of her former, uglier self (soiled by kama) to reveal her purity and innocence. [[Ehhh, right..|ehh]]

Ultimately this also represents Jónsson's identity as an artist, where he emphasized the need for artists to forge their own paths and cultivate their originality and imagination instead of following in the footsteps of others. Meaning he wanted them to be powerful enough to have their own free will and seek beauty without being tainted by old ideas. [[Ehh, dude? Wasn't this supposed to be a fun type game?|fun]]

Oh yeah! Right. Sorry, I got lost there for a minute. Let's play tic-tac-toe! [[Awesome!|00]]

Okay, you start, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Co]] [[Center|Ce]] [[Edge|Ed]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: ? ? ? ? X ? ? ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ce1]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Co1]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: ? ? ? X ? ? ? ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ed1]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? ? ? X ? ? ? ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Ce2]] [[Edge|Ce3]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? ? ? X ? X ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ce4]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? ? ? X X ? ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ce5]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? O ? X ? X ? ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Ce6]] [[Edge|Ce7]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? ? O X X ? ? ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Ce8]] [[Edge|Ce9]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? O ? X ? X ? X Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ce10]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X O ? X ? X ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ce11]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O O O ? X ? X ? X Tic-tac-toe three in a row, I win! Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Ait, that was fun! Now what should we do? [[Sing a song|sing]] [[Play a game of Choosatron!|Start]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X O ? X ? X O ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Ce14]] [[Edge|Ce15]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X O ? X ? X O X Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ce18]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X O X X ? X O ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ce19]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X O O X ? X O X Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Edge|Ce22]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X O O X X X O X It's a tie!! Well played. Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X O X X O X O ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Ce23]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X O X X O X O X It's a tie!! Well played. Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X ? ? ? O ? ? ? ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Co2]] [[Edge|Co3]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X ? ? ? O ? X ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Co4]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X ? ? X O ? ? ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Co5]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X ? ? O O ? X ? ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Co6]] [[Edge|Co7]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X ? ? O O ? X ? X Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Co10]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X ? ? O O X X ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Co11]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X ? ? O O O X ? X Tic-tac-toe three in a row, I win! Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X O ? O O X X ? ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Co14]] [[Edge|Co15]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X O ? O O X X ? X Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Co18]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X O ? O O X X X ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Co19]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X O ? O O X X O X Tic-tac-toe three in a row, I win! Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X O ? O O X X X O Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Co22]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X O X O O X X X O It's a tie!! Well played. Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? ? O X X X ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ce12]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? ? O X X ? X ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ce13]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? O O X X X ? ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Ce17]] [[Edge|Ce16]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X O O X X X ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ce21]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? O O X X X ? X Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ce20]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O O O O X X X ? X Tic-tac-toe three in a row, I win! Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X O O X X X O ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Ce24]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X O O X X X O X It's a tie!! Well played. Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? ? O X X O X ? Tic-tac-toe three in a row, I win! Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X ? ? X O ? O ? ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Co8]] [[Edge|Co9]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X ? X X O ? O ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Co12]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X ? ? X O ? O X ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Co13]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X O X X O ? O ? ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Co16]] [[Edge|Co17]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X ? O X O ? O X ? Tic-tac-toe three in a row, I win! Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X O X X O ? O ? X Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Co20]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X O X X O ? O X ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Co21]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X O X X O ? O O X Tic-tac-toe three in a row, I win! Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X O X X O ? O X O Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Edge|Co23]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: X O X X O X O X O It's a tie!! Well played. Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: ? ? ? X O ? ? ? ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Ed2]] [[Edge|Ed3]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: ? ? ? X O ? X ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ed4]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: ? X ? X O ? ? ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ed5]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? ? X O ? X ? ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Ed6]] [[Edge|Ed7]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X ? X O ? ? ? ? Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Ed8]] [[Edge|Ed9]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X ? X O ? ? ? X Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ed12]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X ? X O ? ? X ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ed13]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? ? X O ? X ? X Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ed10]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X ? X O ? X ? ? Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ed11]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X ? X O ? X ? O Tic-tac-toe three in a row, I win! Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? ? X O ? X O X Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Ed14]] [[Edge|Ed15]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X ? X O ? O ? X Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Corner|Ed16]] [[Edge|Ed17]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X ? X O ? ? X O Tic-tac-toe three in a row, I win! Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O ? X X O ? X O X Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ed18]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X ? X O ? X O X Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ed19]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X X X O ? O ? X Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ed20]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X ? X O X O ? X Allow me to take my turn. [[Please|Ed21]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O O ? X O ? X O X Tic-tac-toe three in a row, I win! Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X O X O ? X O X Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Edge|Ed22]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X X X O O O ? X Your turn, where do you want to place your X? [[Edge|Ed23]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X O X O X O ? X Tic-tac-toe three in a row, I win! Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X O X O X X O X It's a tie!! Well played. Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, now the board looks like this: O X X X O O O X X It's a tie!! Well played. Wanna go again? [[Yes|00]] [[No|xxx]]

Okay, but like, really sing that shit okay? Like, out loud and at the top of your voice. With all the love, energy and power you have inside that pretty, pretty soul. Pretend you're at the Eurovision Songfestival and this is your only chance to make your country proud. [[I hereby solemnly swear to sing, out loud, whatever lyrics appear on this piece of paper hereafter. Should I fail to comply with the aforementioned conditions I owe the writer of this game a beer that I will supply him at the earliest convenience|boh]]

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality Open your eyes, look up to the skies and seeee I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy Because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to meeee Mamaaa, just killed a man Put a gun against his head Pulled my trigger, now he's dead Mamaaa, life had just begun But now I've gone and thrown it all away Mamaaa, ooooh, didn't mean to make you cry If I'm not back again this time tomorrow Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters Too late, my time has come Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth Mamaaa, ooooh, I don't want to die I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all -> The rest of the song is optional ;) I see a little silhouetto of a man Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango? Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me (Galileo) Galileo, (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo Figaro magnificooo But I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me He's just a poor boy from a poor family Spare him his life from this monstrosity Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? Bismillah! No, we will not let you go (Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go (Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go (Let me go) Will not let you go (Let me go) Will not let you go (Let me go) Ah No, no, no, no, no, no, no (Oh, mamma mia, mamma mia) Mamma mia, let me go Beelzebub has a devil put aside for mee, for meee, for meeee! So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So you think you can love me and leave me to die? Ohh, baby, can't do this to me, baby! Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here! Nothing really matters, anyone can see Nothing really matters Nothing really matters to mee Any way the wind blows

That means you died peacefully at home, after enjoying your retirement from badassery for many, many blissfull years. [[Cool|none]]

That means you got wounded in battle but survived, succumbing to the complications of your injury at a later time. [[Ait|ait]]

That means you died heroically in battle. [[Nice|nce]]

Wanna hear what you did to deserve a statue? [[Yes please|ysp]]

Wanna hear what went down? [[So very much|yzz]] [[Not really|nrly]]

But enough about that, what's your favourite type of food? [[Pizza|piz]] [[Pasta|pas]] [[Anything with Quinoa|boo]]

You were batman.

It was a cold, cold winter night, 1917, February. You and the chaps were stationed just above Beaucourt. Manning the front line. Clayton was besides you, trying to melt some snow in an empty Capstan tin over a candle. It was so cold your water bottles were frozen stiff. 'I wish they'd let us have a brazier up here', Clayton complained. 'Impossible', you replied, 'Jerry will spot us in a jiff'. All of a sudden there was a hand on your shoulder, Captain Haines. 'Allright chaps, secret mission time. Very hush hush see.' Before you could ask or answer anything he'd gotten you on your feet, walking eastward down the trench. 'Where are we going?' You asked him after a minute or two. 'Over the top, chums, seeing if we can't pull a fast one on jerry while he's kipping.' 'What's the objective?' You replied. 'Jerry's got a little MG08 held up in a cubby hole a little too close to us for comfort. We're going to see if we can't get that sorted.' Fifteen minutes later you found yourself, Clayton and Captain Haines crawling on your bellies towards the German side. It was the dead of night, the ground was frozen iron hard. All of a sudden the cloud cover broke up for a minute to reveal the moon, Captain Haines motioned you to hide behind a little bush until the darkness would set in again. Looking to your left you could see a shell hole with a twisted, frozen body, almost completely covered in clay. It had been rainy the week before. Those unlucky enough to stumble into a shell hole going forward simply drowned in the sticky muck, nothing could be done about it. The foxhole with the machine gun was only fifty yards away. As the clouds started to gather again, Haines motioned you to continue. You were about to get up when a german voice in the distance started shouting. Almost immediately after, bright flashes went off in the distance to your left and four or five distinct thuds could be heard. Clayton dropped like a stone in front of you. 'We're made, retreat now! Retreat!!' Captains Haines cried out. But you knew it was too late, they had you pinned down. No way back. As the bullets were hitting the ground around you you knew it was only a matter of time before one of them would find its mark. Haines was maybe three yards in front of you, laying flat behind a little hump of earth that would only protect him temporarily. He looked back at you with big eyes, filled with fear. All of a sudden you started to roll, your hands tucked underneath your chest, to your right. As the ground and the night sky tumbled over each other before your eyes you saw the bright flashes of the MG08 machine gun piercing the indigo darkness. Rolling ever further from your original hiding place you realised the gun was still firing at Haines, unaware that you had made a break. Without hesitation you got on your feet, clutching your Lee-enfield with both hands, and started for the foxhole. Running as fast as you could, keeping your eyes fixed on the flashing nozzle as if it would save your life rather than end it with a spray of bullets. You were almost there when the gun suddenly swinged round and started firing right at you. A bullet clipped you on the leg and you fell forward, straight into a shell hole. You landed on your face on the solid frozen ground. In the distance you could hear Haines crying out your name. As soon as he did the machine gun swung back round to focus on him again. You tried to get up but your leg was too painful, dizzy from the smack you rolled round, looking up at the cold night air, a faint glimmer of moonlight coming through the thick cover of winter clouds. 'This is it', you said to yourself, 'Never mind going back home, never mind taking over the family business, never mind making a name for myself. It's going to end right here, right now. In a bloody shell hole in the dead of winter'. Just then a metal clang could be heard and a german Stielhandgranate landed right next to you in the icey crater. Angrily you grabbed the potato masher and flung it back in the direction you thought it had come from. Silence followed, and then a loud bang, and then the sound of a grown man crying in abominable pain. 'Did I just hit them?' You thought, and then fainted due to bloodloss. A few moments later you regained consciousness, being carried over Haines' shoulder over the frozen battlefield. 'Almost there now chap, jolly good effort, must say. Might even get a medal.' You died two weeks later from gangrene in a British field hospital. Five years after the war the report from Captain Haines was discovered by an army official who recommended you for a commemoratory statue, seeing as though your spur of the moment action had created a critical weakness in the German defense that was exploited the very next day. Enabling the British troops to push the Germans back a whole 25km, and permanently reshaping the course of the war in that particular region. Well done amigo. [[Why thank you|nah]]

Suit yourself then, bye! ;)

Nice! You like the Hawaii ones? [[Pizza Hawaii is not a pizza|hwii]] [[Oh do I!|hwi]]

Preach amigo, pasta's soo good right? [[Amen brother|amn]]

Boohh!!

Is too. [[Is not|snt]]

Me too buddy, high five! [[*Slam!*|hfv]]

Is too! [[Is not!|nt2]]

Is toooo!!! [[Can we end this please?|plzz]]

Can you admit Pizza Hawaii is a pizza? [[Fine, yes|fys]] [[is2]]

Awesome. Bye!

Is too! [[Is not|is2]]

Ait, since we're such good friends all of a sudden. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. [[Tell me|tlm]]

*Whispers: I know where the magical rainbow rhinosceros is hiding.. [[Oohhh|ohh]]

Wanna meet her? [[Do I?!|doi]]

Cool, I'll let you straight through to her if you can solve one little riddle. [[Bring it|rdl]]

Okay, here we go. If a person is playing a game with me, where I have to write them an incredibly complicated riddle in order to reach a very coveted room in my extravagantly sophisticated labyrinth of smalltalk and nonsense. Why don't I just give them four options? [[A|wrong]] [[B|wrong]] [[C|rhino]] [[D|wrong]]

Ahh, so close.. But that answer was wrong unfortunately. Wanna try again? [[Sure!|cnt]] [[Nahhh|nah]]

You can't. Byye!

Hallelur amigo! [[Church|chc]]

Talking about stuff with Jesus and things. How about we create a new religion? [[Sure|rlg]]

Who do you believe in? [[Myself|msf]] [[You|you]]

That's so great homey. The Church of You. I think everybody should practice this religion more. [[Right?|rtt]]

Ahww thanks so much honey.. But I can't be your god, I have a hard time enough as it is believing in myself. [[Stick with it homey|chr]]

Totes! People struggle so much with their self confidence, I know I do, a little more faith in yourself could make everyone's day a little brighter. [[Totes agree compadre|agr]]

Allright. Then join me in making a solemn oath. That from here on out we believe in ourselves, in the love we have in us, the strength, the knowledge, the creativity, the beauty and the peace. And we can trust and take care of ourselves and make ourselves happy because we are worthy of happiness. [[I do|oath]]

Say it. [[I believe in myself|blv]]

Louder. [[I believe in myself!|blvv]]

LOUDER!! [[I BELIEVE IN MYSELF I AM LOVE I AM STRENGTH I AM KNOWLEDGE I AM CREATIVITY I AM BEAUTY I AM PEACE I TRUST MYSELF AND WILL TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND MAKE MYSELF HAPPY BECAUSE I AM WORTHY OF HAPPINESS|blvvv]]

I believe in you too, now go out and do awesome things, x. [[I will|wll]]

Love.

Right? We should all believe in ourselves more don't you think? [[Totally|ttly]]

Than that should be our new religion. [[Nice|agr]]

Wouldn't you rather be holding an entire bunch of grapes? [[Yes please|bnc]] [[No|np]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

Ooh you dirty btard. Are you eating the banana or holding it like a pretend penis? [[Eating|nas]] [[Pretend P|nas]]

Girl, you so nasty.. [[Girl I know girlll|nst]]

Girl how you get so nasty? [[I don't knowww|dkw]]

Weakling! Stick to your decisions. [[Sorry|dec]]

Good for you. You made a choice and you stuck with it. [[That's who I am|wim]]

Nah just kidding. It was the only option I gave you. Just messing with you here. Hey, you know what? [[What?|knw]]

Wanna mess me back? [[Yes|mmb]]

You can't, bye!

Girl, I don't no either but I'm loving ittt. [[Thanks momma|thm]]

Welcome honey. [[Kisses|nah]]

Good. For. You. [[High. Five.|hgh]]

*Smash!* Hey you know what? [[What?|kwt]]

Monkey buttt!! [[Hahaha you so silly|sll]]

I knowww righhttt? I'm such a jokester ;) [[No but for real you're superfunny tho|sfn]]

Ahw thanksss ^^ [[It's not really me giving you the compliment. You just gave that to me as the only option so it really wasn't something I did out of free will|fwl]]

I know. Still feels pretty awesome tho ^^ [[That's allright, you can have it|chv]]

Thanks homey ;) Hey, why don't we bet on a lil horse race right now? [[Sure, let's go|hrc]]

Ait. Three horses are gonna race. Here are their names: Hoof Hearted (get it?), Fiftyshadesofhay and Sofa Can Fast. Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets! [[Hoof Hearted|hh]] [[Fiftyshadesofhay|ff]] [[Sofa Can Fast|sc]]

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, a beautiful day over at the IÐNÓ Royal racetrack. Sunny blue skies overhead as we prepare for the final race of the day. It's Hoof Hearted up against long time rivals Fiftyshadesofhay and Sofa Can Fast. Mere seconds away from the button. And they're off! Gates open and right off the bat it's Hoof Hearted in the lead by a lenght, followed closely by Sofa Can Fast and Fiftyshadesofhay behind in third. Coming up on the bend it's Hoof Hearted still firmly in the lead, with Sofa Can Fast gaining and Fiftyshadesofhay falling ever further behind. Sofa Can Fast coming up on the leader, splitting horses now as they round the bend and enter the back stretch together neck and neck. Fiftyshadesofhay has stopped running altogether, realising it's futile to pursue a win with no actual speed in her legs. But what's this? From out of its pocket the horse takes out a little go-kart? Throws the jockey off her back, gets in and starts speeding down the track as some sort of equine version of Mario Kart!! Way out in front it's still Hoof Hearted and Sofa Can Fast jostling for the lead, when all of a sudden they're overtaken by Fiftyshadesofhay in a go-kart. Fiftyshadesofhay throws a banana peel on the track and down goes Hoof Hearted! Breaking all four of her legs in a gruesome crash and smashing her jockey down firmly in the dirt. It's all over for Hoof Hearted! Now in front it's Fiftyshadesofhay in a go-kart with Sofa Can Fast hot on her trail. Sofa Can Fast is giving it all she's got but it's hard running against a machine with several horsepowers when you've only got the one. Sofa Can Fast's jockey is pushing himself forward as much as he can but it's not enough. But wait, what's this? Sofa Can Fast's jockey just pulled out a bazooka and is aiming it at Fiftyshadesofhay! He fires, the rocket gliding through the air towards its mark and ohhh! It's a near miss. The dirt exploding right next to Fiftyshadesofhay who comes riding through the burst as some sort of action hero. She throws the wheel to the left and glides into the final corner. Here comes another rocket and ohhhh! Just inches away from her rear wheels, she's spinning. What is going on ladies and gentlemen can she hold on to the wheel or is she gonna crash? All of a sudden Sofa Can Fast comes running through the inside, overtaking Fiftyshadesofhay and taking the lead. Sofa Can Fast's jockey fires off yet another rocket but oh! Fiftyshadesofhay's jockey catches it and throws it back at the other horseman. It's back and forth now between the two jockeys as their horses are right next to each other, one still racing like a normal horse and the other in a go-kart. The jockeys trying to catch and pass the rocket back to the other before it explodes. And what's this ladies and gentlemen? Aliens! Aliens are on the track! Swooping in low behind the two leading horses on the final stretch. Little grey men in flying saucer type spacecrafts. Fiftyshadesofhay uses her mushroom, giving her a speed boost and shoots out in front towards the finish. It looks like it's a sure win for Fiftyshadesofhay. But here comes an alien in his UFO type thingy, using its tractor beam to lift Sofa Can Fast into the air and they race out after Fiftyshadesofhay who's now mere lengths away from winning. Looks like the other aliens aren't going to have it though and they scurry after the spacecraft holding Sofa Can Fast trying to shoot it down with their lasers. The dirt is exploding all around Fiftyshadesofhay who's looking around her in the air trying to see how close her adversary's coming. All of a sudden a laserbeam hits the aircraft holding Sofa Can Fast and they spin up into the air, a trail of black smoke coming from its engines. It's out of control! The other spaceships try and avoid the spiraling vessel, crashing into each other and creating a chain reaction of explosions that wipe out the entire fleet. Oh my lord ladies and gentlemen the entire sky is ablaze with black smoke and green fire! The spaceship with Sofa Can Fast comes crashing through the clouds, Fiftyshadesofhay throws her racer to the left, trying to avoid a collision but it's too late. With a deafening roar the spaceship crashes into Fiftyshadesofhay, creating a giant black/green explosion, killing both horses, the one remaining jockey and the alien pilot. Oh the humanity ladies and gentlemen! There's nothing left of this race but a smoking crater with roasted bits of horse-, man- and alienmeat, twisted metal and little green flames licking the mutilated remains of all of it. I'm so sorry to announce that today no one will be finishing in the final race of this very peculiar day over at the IÐNÓ Royal racetrack. But. Wait? What's that?.. Oh my god! Can it be? Surely it can't. What's going on? Ladies and gentlemen through the billowing smoke of the horrific planecrash comes crawling, none other, the only, who would have expected, against all odds, in spite of everything, it's Hoof Hearted!!! Carrying her unconscious jockey on her back. Dragging her broken body over the ground like some sort of hairy caterpillar. Inches away from the finish line. Each movement visibly causing extreme pain to the suffering animal. The crowd's now all up from their benches. Not a soul left sitting. Literally everybody in the entire stadium slowly clapping their hands, supporting Hoof Hearted on this final distance towards the race's finish. Will she make it ladies and gentleman, can she reach the end before her body completely gives out? Can you believe how this race has proceeded? With a final effort she pushes her head into the air, nostrils flaring, eyes watering, tongue out, mouth wide open and that's it ladies and gentlemen, she faints. Her liveless body crashing to the ground in slow motion. First her shoulders hit the dirt, then her neck, one vertebrae after the other and finally her head thumbs onto the sand, having given everything she's got and *FWEEEE!* The airhorn sounds, the sensors have picked up an object passing the finish line. The judges look at each other and? Yes! It's a finish!!! Although she's no longer alive technically Hoof Hearted made it across the finish line, jockey on her back and that is all that matters. It's been a strange race, for sure, with plenty of twists and numerous bodies to burie but there has been a finish ladies and gentlemen we do have a winner and that winner is Hooooooofffff Hearteeeeeedddddd!!!! [[YEEAAAHHHHH!!!|hhw]]

OH MY GOD!!! You just won a gazimatrillion dollars succesfully betting on the strangest horse race over at the IÐNÓ Royal racetrack ever! Congratulations you lucky, lucky bastard. What, if I may ask you. Are you going to do with alllll that moneyy?? [[Invest it wisely|wsl]] [[Spend it lavishly|spnd]]

Ahhww sorry buddy, looks like you bet on the wrong horse. Wanna go again? [[Yes please|ypl]] [[Nah, I'm good|nah]]

You can't, byyee!

Good for you, you boring fuck ;)

Awesome!!! On what? [[Cars|crs]] [[People of my sexual preference|sxl]] [[Baby panda's|bbp]]

Ohh so jealous of you. When you get up to speed with your collection, can I come down one time and ride around in a bunch of classics? [[Sure thing buddy|srb]]

Awesome. Like a harem type thing or just spoiling those around you? [[A harem type thing|hrm]] [[Spoiling those around me|spl]]

That's so cute. Can I come round to play with them when you guys have time? [[Sure thing buddy|srt]]

Thanks so much friend. See you around okay? [[Peace and love amigo|pcl]]

Peace and love.

No idea if that's legal still but hey, you're rich, what do you care. [[Exactly|nah]]

That's so great homey. Well, if you ever in need of someone to spoil, think of me ait? [[Will do friend|wld]]

Thanks so much darling. [[Peace and love homey|pcl]]

Ahw that's so nice homie. Love you. [[Love you too homie|nah]]